Was I in a Cult? 20 Questions to Ask
One of the most common questions people ask when they begin exploring religious trauma and high-control religion is:
"Was I in a cult?"
Growing up as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, we were warned extensively about cults and also educated on why we weren't one. (The first red flag.)
Cults were portrayed as sex-crazed hippie gurus, dangerous extremists, or blood-drinking satanic groups that manipulated vulnerable people.
We were the opposite: a loving community of happy people faithfully serving Jehovah (and awaiting Armageddon so we could live forever on Paradise Earth).
No one questioned it.
It was more than a decade after I left before I could even consider the possibility that the religion I grew up in might actually share the characteristics of a cult. That realization didn't happen overnight. It unfolded slowly as I began to understand high-control groups, trauma, and the lasting impact they can have on our lives.
If you're beginning to ask these questions yourself, know that you're not alone. It takes courage to reexamine beliefs you once accepted without question. My hope is that this article helps you better understand your own experience and offers a compassionate place to begin exploring the answers.
In This Article
✦ Explore 20 questions that can help you recognize characteristics commonly found in cults and high-control religious groups.
✦ Reflect on how these patterns may have shown up in your own experience.
✦ Download a printable version if you'd like to work through the questions at your own pace.
✦ Begin developing a deeper understanding of how high-control religion may still be shaping your life today.
Before You Begin
The 20 questions below are designed to help you explore whether your former religious community shared characteristics commonly found in cults and high-control religious groups.
You can simply read through the questions and notice what resonates, or, if you'd like a more structured reflection, rate each one from 0–5 based on your own experience.
0 = Not present at all
5 = A defining characteristic of my experience
Some people find it helpful to total their score, while others gain the most insight simply by noticing which questions stand out. The number itself is only one part of the picture. The deeper value comes from recognizing patterns and considering how they may have shaped your beliefs, relationships, and sense of self.
If you'd like to slow down, write notes, and complete the assessment at your own pace, you can download the printable worksheet below.
20 Questions to Help You Evaluate Your Experience
Power Structures
1. Absolute Authority
Is there a leader or governing body whose authority cannot be questioned or held accountable?
2. Hierarchy of Power
Is there a clearly defined hierarchy where some people are considered more spiritually mature, enlightened, or worthy of authority than others?
3. Disciplinary Power
Can leaders discipline, publicly shame, expel, or remove members from the group with little or no accountability?
4. Exclusive Truth
Does the group claim to possess the only true path to God, salvation, enlightenment, or truth?
Does the group use specialized language, terminology, or insider expressions that reinforce a sense of belonging while making it difficult for outsiders to understand or question the group's beliefs?
Control
5. Suppression of Doubt
Are questions, disagreement, or critical thinking discouraged or punished?
6. Information Control
Are outside books, media, viewpoints, or other belief systems discouraged or prohibited?
7. Behavioral Control
Does the group regulate personal areas of life such as clothing, diet, dating, marriage, sexuality, education, medical care, career choices, or childrearing?
8. Social Isolation
Are relationships outside the group discouraged or prohibited?
Would leaving the group result in losing family, friends, or community through shunning, exclusion, or other forms of social punishment?
9. Religious Community as Family
Are members encouraged to see the religious community as their primary family or support system, sometimes at the expense of relationships outside the group?
10. Recruitment and Conversion
Are members expected to actively recruit or convert others?
Is bringing new members into the group considered a spiritual obligation or measure of faithfulness?
Psychological Influence
11. Fear as a Control Mechanism
Does the group use fear to encourage obedience?
This may look like fear of punishment, expulsion, losing salvation, disappointing God, the outside world, or an impending apocalyptic or catastrophic event.
12. Shame and Guilt
Are you taught that something is fundamentally wrong with you?
Are you viewed as inherently flawed, sinful, broken, or unworthy?
Are you frequently made to feel guilty for your thoughts, desires, emotions, or simply for being who you are?
13. Conditional Worth
Is your worth tied to obedience, purity, performance, or loyalty?
Does doing the "right" things increase your value in the eyes of the community?
14. Emotional Control
Are some emotions welcomed while others are discouraged?
Is grief minimized?
Is anger viewed as sinful?
Are doubt, sadness, or disappointment treated as spiritual weakness while happiness and positivity are expected?
15. Sexual Control
Does the group regulate or control sexuality, sexual expression, gender roles, reproductive choices, or intimate relationships?
Are healthy expressions of sexuality viewed with suspicion, shame, or fear?
16. Culture of Surveillance
Does the group create an environment where members are expected to constantly monitor their own thoughts, emotions, words, and behavior?
Are members encouraged or expected to observe, report, correct, or confront the behavior of others?
Does the environment create a sense that you are always being observed or evaluated, even when no authority figure is present?
Identity
17. Elitism
Does the group teach that its members are uniquely chosen, spiritually superior, more enlightened, or the only people who truly understand reality?
18. Black-and-White Thinking
Are people, beliefs, and experiences divided into rigid categories of right or wrong, good or evil, faithful or unfaithful, leaving little room for nuance, uncertainty, complexity, or our shared humanity?
19. Treatment of Former Members
Are former members criticized, shunned, or portrayed as evil, deceived, spiritually lost, or dangerous?
Are there legitimate ways to leave with dignity, or is every departure viewed as evidence that something is wrong with the person leaving?
20. Principles Above People
When conflict arises, does protecting the doctrine, organization, leadership, or ideology take priority over the well-being of individuals?
What Your Answers Might Mean
As you reflected on these questions, you may have noticed that many of them described your experience. If so, that doesn't automatically mean you were in a cult. It does suggest that your religious or spiritual environment likely included significant patterns of high control.
You may have recognized some patterns but not others. Many religious communities exist along a spectrum, and not every high-control group looks the same.
Or you may have found that relatively few of these questions resonated. That's valuable information, too. This self-assessment is simply one tool for exploring your experience, not a final verdict.
Where Do You Go From Here?
If these questions stirred something in you, you're not alone.
For many people, recognizing these patterns can be both validating and overwhelming. There can be an enormous sense of relief in finally having language for experiences that never quite made sense. At the same time, you may find yourself questioning things you once felt certain about or seeing your past through an entirely new lens. That's a lot to take in.
Whether you ultimately decide your former religious community was a cult, a high-control religion, or simply a toxic environment, you don't have to have everything figured out today.
What matters most isn't the label you choose. It's allowing yourself to acknowledge with compassion what you've lived through and how it has affected you.
The Heart of It
✦ It takes courage to look honestly at your past and ask questions that may challenge what you've always believed.
✦ If these questions brought up strong emotions, uncertainty, relief, or even overwhelm, know that you're not alone. Making sense of a high-control experience is rarely simple.
✦ As you continue exploring your experience, be as gentle with yourself as you would be with someone you love. Curiosity and self-compassion will take you much further than judgment ever could.
✦ Whatever conclusions you ultimately reach, every step toward understanding your story is a step toward reclaiming your own voice, your inner wisdom, and your life.
Continue Your Journey
If you're still wondering whether your former religious community fits the characteristics of a high-control group, your next step is to explore what makes a religion high control in the first place.
→ What Is a High-Control Religion?
If these questions helped you recognize patterns of high control and you're ready to begin understanding the healing process, continue with:
